Torn canvas aside, I think we've had a pretty steep introduction to some relatively heavy weather sailing since bringing Calstar up from Swansea in February.
I say relatively. I'm continually reminded that worse things happen at sea, but I guess when it hits you out there a) you've got no choice but to weather it and b) you've got lots of sea-room to weather it with. So "heavy weather" is context driven by who you are and what you're doing, and I appreciate we're really still paddling in the shallow end of the pool as far as yachting is concerned.
Probably just as well. And I am enjoying it. Actually, that's an understatement. I'm loving it. But I'm finding myself continually outside of my comfort zone. Which, of course, is part of the charm.
I suspect the wind we had on Sunday would be champaign sailing conditions for most experienced cruising sailors. About 11 knots, gusting to no more than 18 at the extreme. Wind over tide, but it was a neap, so pretty tame compared to how it can get out there. Compared to how it was coming back from Cardiff in March, for example.
But my anxiety levels shoot through the roof as the boat heels. Especially when we're beating up wind.
The thing is, with a dinghy, I quickly work out the limits of the boat, and how its going to behave when I push it beyond those limits. I effectively take the thing out and sail her in a blow. We capsize, we recover, rinse and repeat, and pretty soon we know each other pretty well.
I don't really understand Calstar's limits yet, and obviously can't just take her out in a blow and tip her over to find out.
So when, after unhooking myself from the fisherman, we hauled up sail yesterday and the first gust hit, she heeled through 25 degrees and beyond and there was an immediate up-welling of panic and intimidation, a fear the boat was going to fall over on top of us. We reefed down the genoa (all though in hindsight, I should've put the second reef into the main before reefing the genoa), and as the gusts hit, Dad would feather the helm up into the wind to manage the heel.
Thing is, I think the boat and conditions are currently mastering us, especially whenever we try to sail close hauled in more than a slight breeze. I think that lost us the race the other week. I'm not sure we're sailing her anywhere near as efficiently as we should or she could be, especially when close hauled. I don't think it's a case of an appropriate level of reefing, but rather a lack of experience and confidence. The boat is still handling us, not the other way around.
A good example; when a gust hits on a boat like Calstar, should you spill wind by playing the main, as I would in a dinghy? I don't think I know the answer to that; I bet we probably should, but I suspect we haven't been. We've been a bit overawed by the size and power of that huge great genoa out in front, and the mainsail seems to shrink into insignificance by comparison. So when the gust hits, we try to minimise the heeling by keeping her just on the edge of the no-go zone, even feathering up into it a little if we have to. The mainsail stays cleated in.
Not very efficient, and I suspect it sees us sag horribly to leeward.
But none of this should be read as a complaint or frustration. There are no regrets.
I'm just thinking out loud and reflecting on recent experiences. There was never really any question of whether or not we'd go out last Sunday once the forecast stabilised into a nice, cosy F4, and the real horror of ripping the sail was the fear it would leave us unable to sail next weekend. I love heavy weather and an interesting sea. It scares me, and so it should, but there is a balance between appropriate anxiety and the confidence and calm to manage the conditions.
I've got the calm sorted. Mainly for the benefit of the crew. But I'm a bit like a duck gliding up stream, all poise and grace topsides but paddling like buggery just under the surface.
All this anxiety and trepidation I'm presently experiencing with Calstar, I felt with Ondine in her turn, very much so at first. A different scale, perhaps, but she was another boat I had to "learn" without simply taking her out and tipping her over. So I know this is just a part of the process. So is the questioning and review.
In other news, Dad passed his Day Skipper exam on re-taking it down in Portishead a couple of weeks ago. We've booked on to the Day Skipper Practical course later in the summer; Dad, myself and Ben for five days on a yacht out of Falmouth. With the three of us booked on the course, it's very likely it'll just be us and the instructor. Plenty of sailing between now and then, of couse, but it'll be great fun spending five days with Dad and Ben away on the Cornish coast in a bigger boat.
Of course, we could've spent the money on a new genoa instead.
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